It has come to my attention, through various sources, that my blog is instilling fear in those that are either pregnant with their first baby or thinking about starting a family one day soon. Whilst those already with children are finding it validating and refreshingly honest sharing in my struggles.
Firstly, I want to clarify that this is one experience, my experience, about transitioning into motherhood. I think I had a difficult transition for various reasons- some already mentioned and some to come.
Secondly, other people's experience will be different, maybe better and for some, maybe worse. It is certainly a journey and I guarantee a steep learning curve no matter how hard or easy your journey is. From my experience most Mothers (and Father's for that matter), if not all, have some kind of struggle at some point. If it's not latching at breast feeding, it's not sleeping. If it's not not sleeping, it's reflux. if it's not reflux, it's not being able to put them down. If it's not being able to put them down, it's something else! But it isn't forever. That much I know. So even if it feels like it at the time, it is actually only a a very short time in your life. I know 4 months sounds long (that's how long it went for me)- but it really isn't when you consider the entire span of your life. You do get through it and somehow come out the other side.
Which brings me to my thirdly. Despite all of my early struggles as a new Mother, in amidst the sleep deprivation, pain from sling wearing and mega long feeding sessions- I loved being a Mother. I hated all of those other things, but I loved being Anika's Mum. She brought (brings!) my husband and I a ridiculous amount of joy and I would do it all again in a heart beat (well, with more of the right support and knowledge that I have now:).
It certainly wasn't my intention at all to scare people about parenthood and I hadn't intended just to write about all of my difficult times- it's just I'm writing events in order of occurrence and my hardest times happened to occur first! I also wanted other parents that are struggling to know they are not alone and they do not have to sit in a code of silence and put on a brave face. The BEST thing I did was plead for help far and wide. I made helpless status updates on Facebook until eventually the right help fell into my lap. I stand here now, with a beautiful, well attached 10 month old daughter and even though there are still difficult nights, or days (or both!), I feel I have the skills and the networks to get through them. Parenthood has taught me so very much about myself, has stretched every part of my being to near breaking point and made me so much stronger. I know I can face anything now. So ENJOY your pregnancies and enjoy the fun of planning a family (and making the family:), but be aware that NO ONE can actually prepare you for what it will be like or how it will change your life. I thought I got it. I didn't. But I wouldn't change it. Not for a second!
P.S. sorry for the huge gap between posts. I've been in avoidance mode as life is so packed full and good right now. Will try and get on a roll again :)
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