It's been a while since my last post. Between visits from grandparents and sickness, I just haven't managed to write. I know my posts are starting to get depressing (they will get worse before they get better!), but just so you know- I had 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep! So, there is hope, it does get better ;)
Now, where was I? On my own. Well, just Anika and I to be more exact! My husband was back at work working long long hours 50 minutes drive from home and I was home looking after Anika. Thank God she didn't mind being in the sling. That sling was both my life saver and almost the death of me! It gave me freedom to wash her nappy's, hang them out, make lunch, go to the toilet (yes! I did go to the toilet with my baby attached MANY times! Even whilst breastfeeding sometimes!), occasionally have a phone conversation with my Mum (though Anika would often wake up and I'd have to get off to try and get her back to sleep), read and watch some telly.
Initially.
I was managing. Just. Slowly it became harder to get her to sleep. The methods grew more elaborate and exhausting over time. I'd bounce on the exercise ball and sing to her. Then I included patting her bottom. Then it changed to walking up and down stairs (not so safe when it's raining, humid and sticky!). Then I thought she was overstimulated as she was so alert and aware of her environment, so I draped a muslin wrap over her and the sling. Her hot little body and sling would make my tired body overheat. Then I'd turn the air con on and bounce in front of the stupid thing.
Meanwhile i was feeding long hours, sometimes up to 14 hours on and off with limited breaks, getting anywhere from 1 to 4 hours broken sleep at night and not being able to 'rest when your baby rests'. Great advice that: rest when your baby rests. But what if you can't? What if your bouncing, rocking, swaying, walking up and down stairs? Up and down. Up and down. Up and friggin down. My butt was quickly getting back into shape at least. Not that I cared. I just wanted sleep. I wasn't to get that for another 3 months.
Sometimes my husband would come home and I hadn't eaten since breakfast and was still in my pyjamas, unshowered and teeth unbrushed. I feel so sorry for him in hindsight. He'd work 12/1/2 hour shifts + the almost 2 hour commute, come home to a disheveled and often teary wife, no dinner on the table, no food in the house and take Anika straight away so I could have a shower and brush my teeth. He also would get up in the night to take Anika for some of her sleep so I could get a couple of hours of rest without her. This was not a sustainable situation. But we did it for 4 weeks! I just had to get through these 4 weeks and then we were heading interstate to my parents while my hubby worked out bush at a remote hospital for 6 weeks. I didn't book a flight home....... How could I come back and do it alone again???
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