Off to the hospital again to see our midwife with our latest ultrasound results. I think our car could drive itself there we were visiting so frequently! I handed our midwife the report and said that there was no change, except our baby had put on about 200grams. She took a peek at it, nodded and said she had to get it signed off by one of the Dr's round in the birth suite along with my latest half hour CTG. This was just routine.
I was a week out from my due date now and given there had been no deterioration, was expecting the Dr to sign off with the same recommendation that Dr Carmody had given- repeat ultrasound in one week, no going post dates. My midwife returned with a Registrar in tow. My heart skipped a beat and I felt my anxiety levels rising. He sat down in front of us with my chart open (he'd looked at it for all of a couple of minutes before he started talking) and said "I'm very concerned about what's happening with your umbilical cord and worried about your baby. I think we should do an induction today". What the??? Hang on, I wasn't here to have my baby today, I was here to be told repeat ultrasound in a week, second daily monitoring, no going post dates. An induction would mean I couldn't birth in the birth centre any more as I would require a drip, monitoring, Dr's. Fuck. My brain was swirling. I stuttered 'but.... but..... I'm confused? My results haven't changed from 4 days ago and last time they recommended a repeat scan and no going post dates? The only difference in the scan is that my baby has put on weight and is growing'.
This was the Registar's response that sent me reeling 'the difficulty is, we don't know when your umbilical cord will stop working and the difference between a live baby and a still birth could be a day'. Dread filled my stomach. Fear took hold. My chest felt tight. I could kill my baby if I didn't have an induction like the Dr said. But hang on, TWO Consultant Obstetricians had told me everything else was looking good, there was no deterioration in the cord flow and Dr Carmody had said Umbilical cord's don't just stop working one minute. Who the fuck did this 12 year old Registrar (Ok, poetic license, but he looked 12 and I clearly still hold anger about how he approached the whole situation) think he was pulling out the term still birth to a Mother who was one week out from her due date and already really anxious???!!!! My husband said I responded aggressively, I prefer to think I was assertive with a whole lot of anxiety filling my response. I basically told him all of the above and told him I had fears about how my baby would cope with an induced labour considering we already had an impaired umbilical cord. His uneducated response was " Labour's labour, a contraction is a contraction whether it's induced or not."
Uh uh, no Dr 12 year old. You are wrong. I knew this wasn't true from my classes at birth talk. An induced labour comes on quickly and regularly rather than easing your body and baby into it. Sometimes, and often, they can give you too much syntocinin as the dosing can be hard to get exactly right so that you don't get a break between contractions, bringing on strong and furious contractions. This could be fatal for a baby who already had a crappy umbilical cord with poor flow. If my baby couldn't get a break between contractions, we were sure to head into fetal distress zone and emergency caesar. I was shaking and asked Dr 12 year old to go and talk to a big Dr (I think I said talk to your boss actually) who hopefully would side with me. My poor husband was feeling very stuck in the middle and stayed fairly quiet, holding one of my hands anxiously. Dr 12 year old went and talked to a Big Dr (the Consultant of the day) and came back with his tail between his legs saying that I had another week up my sleeve with a repeat ultrasound then. They also upgraded my pregnancy to high risk, which meant I was out of the birth centre regardless and wanted constant CTG monitoring whilst I was in labour. Once again I voiced my confusion, 'hang on, do I need second daily monitoring on the CTG?'.
Dr 12 year old: 'no, just an ultrasound in a week and no post dates'.
Me: "I don't understand, we've gone from you being worried about a still birth by tomorrow to not even needing second daily review- what the?'
He just reiterated that his boss had had a look and was OK with us going to dates with an ultrasound. Think BEFORE you speak mate. Seriously. I was so angry and upset as we walked away from the hospital. This was surely not good for my little girl? I know Registrar's are just learning, particularly junior Reg's, but seriously, in what world is trying to use scare tactics to force an induction on a new Mother OK? Instead of listening to us, finding anything out about us i.e. that we both are educated people who are trying to make the safest decisions for both me and the baby, goodness we both even work in the friggin' health system, he assumed I was some uneducated Mother who was wanting to birth naturally at the expense of my babys life! If I thought for one second an induction would be best for our baby, I would have jumped at it. I mean, my husband and I even discussed a planned caesarian when we got home as an option to get our baby into the world safely. After the Reg had left, my midwife offered to do a membrane sweep to try and stimulate a natural labour. My husband looked at me with an excited smile. I was like I don't think so, not just yet. I wasn't ready to be a Mother today. I was still trying to get my head around the loss of a water birth, of being able to move around freely without a machine stuck to me, of not being uncomfortable with two wide elastic bands around my stomach. How could I possibly get my head in the right space for labour today. So no, my lovelies, no membrane sweep today!
When we got home I had to try and centre myself again for the sake of our baby and focus on her and I. I was still shaking in anger and fear after that Registrar. I jumped on the web and searched the hospital database for the gospel of obstetric medicine and read and re-read everything on when to induce and problems with the umbilicus. I was right, an induction was not indicated just yet- we were cuspy, but not yet. My husband also did his research when he went to work and we both came up with the same thing..... I had to go in to natural labour, like now!!!
We had one week to do this together, otherwise the decision was out of our hands and only God knows what would happen with my birth and baby after that.
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