As I look back on those very early days of bringing our baby home, I realize how much emphasis and time we'd put in to preparing to get her out safely and not much on the what comes after. So we'd had an awesome birth, but what now?? We were taking this teeny tiny baby home in the car with us who was solely relying on my husband and I for everything. Everything. What were we thinking? Neither of us knew the first thing about baby's! We'd both held one a few times, I might have changed a couple of nappies in my time, but to look after one completely on my own.... God, we hadn't even thought of a name for her by the time we'd left the hospital (granted it was only 12 hours after the birth, so we could be forgiven for that!). Thank goodness my Mum was staying with us with an open air ticket home (all our family live interstate) and my husband had 2 weeks off work initially.
You'd think with all that support I would have managed it all ok. I look back on other friends who didn't have half the help I received in those very early days and admire how they coped. They either coped really well, or suffered in silence. I suspect more Mother's suffer in silence than we know, as there seems to be an expectation that we'll all cope and that it shouldn't be that hard as we're biologically primed for it. Those of you that know me, know that I rarely do silence, let alone suffering in silence! Thank God for that, as it led me on an amazing, draining, emotionally and physically challenging journey- which i am still on and led me to meet some very amazing people who would help us along the way and continue to help us today.
Because our baby wasn't getting enough nutrition inside me due to my umbilical cord issues, she came out small and with a massive appetite. From the moment we got home she just wanted to feed and feed and feed. Morning. Noon. Night. Feed. No one warned me. Everyone just said, don't worry, small is easier to get out and she'll make up for it on the breast once she's out (I didn't know they meant by staying attached constantly!). No one warned me that she might have feelings about what it was like inside me not getting enough food. Not many people, including myself, know that babies have feelings, thoughts, memories prior to when they come out. When I think logically about it though, of course they would, why would all of a sudden they start getting that once they're through the birth canal?? I'd read studies prior to our birth about baby's recognising their parents voices and songs etc. But i hadn't really given it much more thought or thought about it in relation to how what our daughter had experienced in side of me might have effected her when she was outside of me. I wasn't aware that because of her prenatal experience we were going to have a difficult ride ahead.
We muddled through those first couple of weeks with the help of my husband, Mum and midwives. One of the lovely things about the birth centre is that they visit you as much or as little as you need in your home and you can call them 24/7 for the first two weeks. They were my lifeline. I used that daily. Sometimes more than that!
I called them because I didn't think my milk had come in. I called them because after our baby had passed the meconium she didn't poo for days and the poo chart said she'd poo more than that (yes, you get a 7 day poo chart when you have a baby, showing you what it looks like each day after the birth. Being the Virgo I am, I studied the pooey nappies next to the chart daily! But my husband's just as bad- he weighed her wee nappies to see how much output she had!!;). I called them because our baby started screaming directly after each feed. I called them because of the blisters that developed on our baby's torso and arm. Then I called them to find out how to get antibiotics into a newborn. I think you get the drift, I called them for everything. I really didn't have a clue about newborn baby's! Let alone newborn baby's that were going to require a considerable amount of help because of the difficult 9 months they spent inside!
But first to the naming part. What a huge responsibility. Naming someone for the rest of their lives.........
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